Grief is the psychological response experienced after a significant loss. Life changing losses come in many forms and we all experience them differently. Your grief might be due to the death of a loved one, or due to an experience such as infidelity, separation or divorce, children leaving home, physical incapacity or illness, impaired vision or hearing, the loss of your home, the end of a career, or the end of a personal dream.
Understanding Grief
Acute Grief
Acute grief affects both the mind and the body in powerful ways, including;
Emotional pain:
Deep sadness, frequent crying, shock, and emotional numbness.
Yearning:
A strong, almost physical ache or longing for life before the loss.
Preoccupation:
Constantly thinking about the loss and searching in familiar places.
Physical changes:
Trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, headaches, fatigue, and a weakened immune system.
Acute grief usually comes in intense bursts or waves, rather than a steady state, and is a normal, healthy reaction to loss. Usually across several months, the sharp intensity begins to fade. Your mind gradually adapts, allowing you to move toward integrated grief, where you can begin to live with the loss without constant distress.
When Grief Persists
Prolonged Grief
For a small proportion of people, however, intense and distressing symptoms can persist. Prolonged grief in adults is characterised by intense and persistent symptoms, which are still present after a year or more, which are not only distressing, but also disruptive to daily functioning.
Symptoms of prolonged grief may include:
- Identity disruption (such as feeling as though part of oneself has died).
- Marked sense of disbelief about the loss.
- Avoidance of places and events that trigger memories.
- Persistent emotional pain (such as anger, bitterness, sorrow).
- Difficulty with reintegration (such as problems engaging in work, pursuing interests, or making plans).
- Persistent emotional numbness (absence or marked reduction of emotional experience).
- Feeling that life is meaningless.
- Intense loneliness.
Unacknowledged Loss
Disenfranchised Grief
Disenfranchised grief is any grief that society does not openly acknowledge, validate, or publicly support. In other words, the right to grieve is defined by a social and moral viewpoint. Consequently the people we hope will support us, either overtly or covertly, leave us feeling misunderstood and isolated.
Common examples of disenfranchised grief include;
Minimised losses:
the death of an elderly family member, an ex-partner, a close friend, or a pet.
Minimised experiences:
such as miscarriage, infertility, broken relationships, children leaving home, or the loss of a home or a job.
Stigmatised causes of death:
such as those related to suicide, drug overdose, or HIV/AIDS, or where social discomfort stops people from offering support.
Disenfranchised grief often causes prolonged grief, because the lack of social validation and support denies the necessary space, rituals, and permission to honour and process the loss.
Living With Loss
Integrated Grief
Integrated grief occurs when a person begins to live alongside their loss, without the emotional pain completely dominating their life. Integrated grief has been reached when a person begins to experience;
Restored daily functioning as the intense, acute symptoms of grief begin to fade, allowing re-engagement in routines and activities.
Personalised ways to maintain a continued connection and lifelong bond with who or what has been lost, rather than feeling forced to “let go” or sever emotional ties.
The coexistence of mixed emotions, such that memories start to bring a blend of bittersweet feelings, both sadness and joy, rather than overwhelming sorrow.
Personal growth and meaning, due to the profound changes of the experience, shifting priorities, deepening compassion, and offering a renewed sense of purpose.